Hello darkness my old friend.

Home bitter home! Home sad home! I’m back at the facility. I can see disappointment in the eyes of the people that saw me leaving and now see me coming back. But I’m numb to what they can think. I feel like I’m protected from their judgments by a shell. A shell made of my own guilt, despitefulness, sorrows, darkness. I carry that heavy shell all around.

I’m leaving Mx and 2b. I’ve now said goodbye to the 3 people I love the most and I don’t have a date to see them again. I feel like I got sentenced. Not to jail, no! That would be so much better than what I have been sentenced to! In jail you get visitors. I won’t.  I’ll be free to go wherever I want but I won’t be able to see my people. I know it’s a choice I’ve made and I’m confident that was the right one. But why does the right choice have to hurt so much? I changed my whatsap status, I don’t quite know why. I doubt you’ll ever see it… “03/30: Leaving MX for FR. OMMA”

I’m surrounded by darkness I don’t see light anymore I’ve lost my light. I don’t find sense I don’t have a purpose, Of course I still have 2b, he’s the only reason I’m still standing. But I’ve lost sense. I can’t make sense of my life. I had a plan, I had dreams and now I have nothing. We’ve worked so hard, we’ve been through so much, we’ve been patient, we’ve waited and endured so much just to have a shot at life together. You’ve sacrificed so much and for what? One week? Why would God reward us for all our good actions and patience and sacrifices with only one week?

A nd the jacarandas spoke your name and melted my soul into tears that fell down my beard like jacarandas flowers fall on the ground.